Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday, black mood

So it’s Black Friday, right? My kind of day. I decided to bite the bullet and do some holiday shopping. And me, I shop online. Is there any other way?

Now you know I don’t have much patience with the Playthings mods. I do get along with their dolls for the most part, especially the Jess ones. Call it pity if you want, but I figured I’d dole out a few fashionable holiday gifts. So yeah, I bought up the eBay stock of stompy black buckle boots by 2 AM. You can forget about finding any more between now and next year. Those are must-haves for any self-respecting AG doll. Also, I must inform you that there are no more plain black tshirts or bandanas left on eBay. I saw to that. I was busy while you were sleeping off your turkey.

Then, I headed over to Etsy.

WTF, Etsy?

Put on your waders, because it’s hip deep in there. OMG, have you seen the amount of weird-ass crap sold on that site in the name of AG? Talk about scary, creepy, and inappropriate! Now, I am all for creativity and commerce. Make something great that people will want, make some more, and sell, sell, sell. It’s all good. And right, I know one doll’s trash is another doll’s treasure.

But I defy you to call some of this stuff treasure. I counted enough raggedy shawls and ponchos to lay out a patchwork carpet for any harem David can dream up. If I have to look at one more felt fringed poncho, I will personally felt someone, hard. And I saw more crocheted crap in one perusal of Etsy than exists at all the world’s senior centers. I like the fine art of needlework and can knit some fiercely extreme doll fashions any day of the week. But please people, do not crochet entire outfits and then attire your doll as if she was a crocheted toilet paper cover. No. That is cruel and inhumane.

Damn it, Etsy wasn't meant to be a crafty crap collection. It should be a place I can go to find wicked original togs for dolls to kick ass in, sans nasty eBay fees.

Well, enough is enough. Not that I make a practice of being helpful, but here are AJ’s Tips for the Etsy Doll Crafter.

Number one, FFS, when you are trying to sell something to someone, take decent photos of your work! Stop cutting the heads off of the dolls! I want the gestalt, the big picture. Lure me in with the majesty of it all. However, I will grant you that when you cut off the doll’s head, she’s probably less likely to slit her wrists from shame. Which brings me to AJ Etsy Tip #2: stop making crap! Just stop it! Use fabrics in prints to scale. Don’t foof up the outfits with layers of mismatched lace and ribbons. And remember: just because you can make it, doesn’t mean you should sell it. Tip #3: stop saying it's for an AG when you put the whatever-it-is on a freaking Springfield, Battat, Tolly , or generi-doll you dragged out of your neighbor’s trash last Tuesday. I applaud your desire to recycle. But if you seriously want to sell something, get the real deal for photography purposes. Because if it fits a Springfield doll, it’s likely NOT going to fit my bodacious curves.

You should be glad there are no photos in this blog entry. You would go blind from the ugly. There's a reason they call that place Regretsy.

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