Angry Toshi wants me to tell you lot that today is National Monkey Day, and asks that you celebrate by decapitating your Fios.
He demonstrates proper technique:
Be sure to wear your Santa hats whilst beheading, to keep things festive.
AG, ever the home of random GOTY animals, be prepared to receive a large crate of Fio heads later this week.
Hey, what, I hear tell that new lame-ass American Girl Kanani will be getting a pet Hawaiian hoary bat. I truly hope this comes to pass because the phrase 'hoary bat' is eminently mock-worthy, am I right? Yeah, I'm right.