Thursday, September 24, 2009

September 2009 Releases

Once again, AG doll forum members followed the usual "OMG NEW DOLL SHIT" schedule:

Day 1:
Stay up all night in anticipation of new dolly shit. Fall asleep five minutes before site is updated.

Day 2:
"OMG COFFEE. OMG NEW SHIT! YAY! SQUEE!" Start 14 new doll shit threads until I do the official smackdown.

Day 3:
"I'm bored with this stuff. The new shit sucks. When are we getting new shit?"

Well, guess what? I'm not bored yet; I'm still laughing at this stuff and I think I will be for a while yet to come. I do have some questions, though. First there's Julie's Jumpsuit:

OMGWTFBBQ. Look at that thing. Did someone's Satanic turquoise llama throw up on Julie?

That's some serious Satanic llama puke fabric. Oh by the way, Earring Magic Ken called for Julie.

He wants his cock ring back.

Next, we have the revised Flip Chair.

So let me get this straight. After the Satanic turquoise llama pukes all over Julie's outfit, it pukes on the old flip chair? No thank you. No self-respecting doll will put her pristine muslin arse on llama puke.

Then we have the Fancy Flowers Outfit.

Why lookee there! I do believe we have finally identified Coconut's true calling: shrug fur. Note to AG: above doll needs to see a chiropractor due to serious neck misalignment.

Sweet Melody Outfit? I'm not singing any sweet melodies, and neither is this doll:

What the hell happened here? Did she get dressed in the dark? Because seriously, I can find no other explanation as to why someone would pair these pieces together. Also, I suspect AG raided Michael Jackson's closet for those Moon Boots, opportunistic bastards that they are.

Now, I want to direct your attention to these new dolls.

This appears to be the Rise of the Ginger Army as prophesied by the Book of Nellie. I have it on good authority that they quote the Andy Griffith show like Bible verses, seeing as how Ronnie Howard is their Messiah and all.

But lo, your salvation is at hand:

A new !Jess. Eventually we will achieve face mold domination. But none of us will be wearing the Penguin PJs & Robe:

Tell me, AG, why does this doll have a penguin growing out of her armpit? It also looks like AG killed the stars of Happy Feet in order to keep dolly feet happy. My doll feet, they are not happy, no matter how many penguins you try to shove on them, AG, so shove your penguins somewhere else.

But more importantly, will the aforementioned Ginger Army be clad entirely in themed pajamas? Because I swear every time AG has a new release, they give us pajamas. The casual observer would be forgiven for thinking that AG was tying to outfit an army. C'mon, AG. Enough jammies. I keep asking you people for leather, fishnets, and more variety in ass-kicking boots. Cough it up already.

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