Saturday, August 16, 2008

Get Real!

It is almost that time of the year again, the time when AG comes out with the newest in holiday outfits for dolls. So let's take a moment to do some fashion retrospection and look to the future, shall we?

Last year's pleasantly pukey looking little number:

I mean, really? Let's talk about this Little Miss Muffet outfit. It's a big tuffet! Blech. This wasn't fit for a spider to swoon over. And the cheesy plastic tiara that these little ladies got? WTF, tiara! You wouldn't see me raping and pillaging wearing that POS. Might as well get a wedding ring out of a Cracker Jack box.

Now, let us go back to 2006:

Yes, you guessed it. She is a giant walking tampon. No, really, see? She even has strings!

Made of FAIL. And absorbant cotton.

Oh, but wait! Do you remember 2005?

Here Pussy, Pussy, Pussy! Oh, and we have some chocolate to go on that red little cherry, too.

GET REAL, AG! Why not make something I can use??? Here's my list of what needs to go in a holiday outfit:

1. Fishnets in black so I can dress in style this year. Nice ones, with the seam up the back! I know you can do it, AG. I wore out the Spider Witch fishnets a long time ago.
2. Boots. Big, tall, black, ass-kicking patten leather, with a safety pin like in Pretty Woman. C'mon, I need something I can kick Kailey's ass in. So if they have a little heel, that will do just fine, thanks. {What, tears for Kailey? Get over it. She wasn't a real LE anyways.)
3. Leather. No, not a boring jacket; I want a leather mini. One I can go to all those swank country club campaign parties in. And none of this pleather crap. Kill a calf already.
4. Halter top. You only wish you could fill out a halter like I do. But this time, I want one in leather. That's right, more cow.

Is this really so much to ask? AG, damn you, if you went to the effort of designing Debutant Tuffet, Chocolate Pussy, and Giant Tampon, would some basic Coolness be all that difficult to envision? It takes a twisted mind to come up with that other stuff. I'm making it easy on you.

So, get rid of the frou-frou and go with the new-new. Because this stuff? Scary, creepy, and inappropriate.


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