Let the Games Begin

So the Olympics are starting soon. Meh. Most sports bore me to tears, although I do love when the baseball players crash into each other. And when the soccer players crash into each other "accidentally." And when...

Well, you get the idea.

I am, however, rooting for Nadine Stanton in the shooting contest.

I'll also be rooting for hilarious but non-fatal accidents. It would be politically incorrect for me to root for fatalities.

Okay, wait. Truth must out: I'm done with this political campaign business. I'm tired of watching what I say and who I say it to. Jiggy and I, we had a falling out over the campaign videos he produced. Did you see the one with me running over Obama? Jiggy made one with me doing unspeakable things to McCain, too. Unspeakable. I mean, look, yeah, I'd DONE those things. But not with a wrinkly prune like McCain! I have my standards, after all. I made Jiggy pull that one, but I'm sure it will show up on the Internet someday. Whatever. As for Obama, I've steamrollered plenty of asshats in my day, yeah. But for chrissakes, I give them a decent running start first, and I know when to stop.

Jiggy said I just didn't want this enough, to be hung up on trivial aspects like the videos. And I said to him, "Jigs, you're right. I don't want this. This is your dream, not mine." I knew I'd win any contest, so when he put me on the ticket, it was no big deal. But campaign trails and courting favor? That's not my thing; I don't give a flying fig if people like me. That's part of my charm, after all.

So, the campaign will go on without me. I don't need it. It's for other people to have fun with. I'll make a few obligatory appearances for my adoring public if I feel like it. But it's time to get back to my life again.

So, what, the Olympics? Yeah. Sports fatalities make me giggle. That's how I roll.